Log in

No account? Create an account

hey :)

 hey im new here, my name is megan. I am so confused right now, I have seen a therapist and she told me i have an eating disorder but i dont think i am "good enough" to have one. Dont get me wrong, eating disorders are terrible, but i dont feel like im thin or sick enough to actually have one so i am going to type out my story and can you guys please please please tell me what you think? about a year and a half ago some one very close to me died and i was so sad i felt like my life was over so i began eating way too much and gained a bunch of weight. so about a year and two months ago i was a little over weight, not much, maybe like ten pounds so my mom made me see a nutrisionist. I felt so weak that i had to get sent to a nutrisionist so instead of eating a healthy low cal diet i cut back to below 800 and occasionally binging. I lost about 20 pounds in a month and the nutrisionist told me i needed to start eating a healthy amount of food but i didnt want to. I began binging more often and then I started restriciting again because I wanted to be skinny for summer. This is when the nutrisionist sent me to a therapist where she told me I had ednos but i didnt think i did. then i went away all summer and saw my nutrisionist when i came home. I had gained a few pounds and she made me mad during that visit so i havent seen her again since september. This past winter consisted of binging, binging and purging, and restricting. I gained so much weight back and feel like a complete ugly fat ass so i recently went back to restricting. Every day is different so i feel like i dont even have a real eating disorder. For example..saturday and sunday was constant binging. Then monday was only about 200 cal and tuesday was restriciting and purging the little fruit that i ate and wednesday was restricting as well. Then, today, I planned on not eating but i  got home from school and binged my brains out and purged it. Then later I binged again but right as i started purging my mom got home so i had to stop. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK? LIKE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS


Help guys I need a fasting buddy...

I want to fast for 15 days starting tomorrow and the only thing I plan on having is water, black coffee, green tea, and mint tea.

Also while fasting I plan on burning atleast 500 calories a day.

I need as much support as I can get. You can add me on your yahoo messenger at:
suerone@yahoo.com or on AIM at animalsfeel2@aol.com
Please message or email me if you want us to support each other. I need it! 


i was forced to go to a nutrionist because i have felt so tired/weak for the majority of this semester that i missed a lot of my 9am class on tues/thurs and the teacher said she wanted a doctor's note to excuse absences...i went, thinking the doctor would just give me a note and that's it. but no, hello bloodwork. when tests came back negative for mono and the like the doctor said she wanted me to meet with a nutritionist and a therapist before she'd give me a note (is it THAT obvious that i'm fat and depressed?).

so i started seeing a therapist which is fine, i'll prob keep doing that. but i went to the nutritionist and was painfully honest with her. she told me basically what i've known but have never been actually told that my body is in starvation mode and therefore any time i eat or go through days of binging my body holds on and stores everthing as fat. great job katie. so for those times when i do so well restricting (i was successful in restricting for months in a row up to my state pageant this past summer) and then i go back to eating (hello august-now) thats why i gain so much and that's why it's so hard to take off.

i also think the fact that i'm single is a major reason why i'm having such a hard time not binging at night. becuase when i was in a relationship (for my first 2 1/2 years of college) i'd come home to dave at the end of the day and hang out with him all night....and then after we broke up i was too sad to eat and then too set on being in good shape for my pageant that i would eat very little ever. once my pageant ended and i "allowed" myself to eat again i come home at night and binge. if i dont eat when i get home i feel bored. how disgusting is that?

anyway, the nutritionist was so nice and very concerned and basically made me want to at least try losing weight a healthy way. i figure i'm not happy the way i am now and the things she was saying made sense, maybe i should give it a shot. my goal with her is to lose 8-10 pounds and she seemed ok with that actually even considering my ED tendencies. I said to her ok realistically how long will it take for me to lose 10 pounds? she said a few months!!!!!!!! I was like ok....i cant do this. i cant wait this long. I thought it was healthy to lose like 2 poudns a week! She said that was for people who were actually over weight and I am not.

So my question to all of you is this...if I follow the diet she gave me, which consists of 1200 calories, do you think i'll actually lose weight?

my senior showcase, which is basically a huge audition for everyone in the industry, is january 13, 14, 15...i NEED to be thin by then.

I'm thinking of maybe trying to follow her diet starting tomorrow (14th) until when I get back to NYC (jan 2nd) and if I need to heavily restrict then I will.

If I do that do you think I can be where I want to be?
Or do you think I won't be close...
I'm not stepping on the scale today but basically from tomorrow to January 13th I need to lose 10 pounds.

PLEASE HELP. if you have any idea, any personal experiene/insight, whatever...it's all appreciated.

disgusting. and desperate.

i did soooooo well and hit and surpassed my goal weight for an event i needed to be thing for. i really did fantastic for about a month and a half- two months. and before i left for the event i bought my favorite food because i told myself for a week after i would allow myself to indulge.

obviously someone with an eating disorder can't just "indulge" i INDULGED. as in massive binge for a week straight.

i didnt think it would do that much damage but believe it or not my small 5'4 frame gained 8 pounds in one week.

literally. in exactly one week i went from 114.4 to 122.6.

is that even possible? to gain 8 pounds in one week?!?!? i keep telling myself there's no way its actual weight...it must be water weight, bloated, foods still in system.....

it took me almost 2 months to lose 10 pounds. and i gain 8 in one week.

i would love some advice, insight, words of wisdom, ANYTHING. because i look disgusting, i dont fit into my clothes right, i feel awful.......its just sad. and i have no one to blame except for myself.

x-posted to a couple diff communities
please help! xoxo
I am so fucking annoyed, i am such a huge fat piggy waste of space...The last couple of days i have just not stopped eating, i dont even deserve to live at the moment, i cant physically bring myself to purge and im just so annoyed :(
So ive decided that im not letting myself come back on here until i have succesfully completed my 6 day smoothie fast. No food until sunday i shall only drink fruit smoothie and that shall be minimal. I am such a disgrace to my fat self :( I need to change and from this moment on, there shall be no food until sunday.
I can do this
I need to do this

Im fat and ugly and disgusting.


 Err im so dissapointed in myself, i was doing fine, really well in fact but then today was just bad from the start, a fat free yoghurt, apple, 4 slices of wholegrain bread, 6 melba toast, Err i feel terrible, ive decided tomorrow im going to fast, i need too, only water and diet coke for me for the next 3 days. (:

Just needed to vant at myself, sorry

Good luck girliess

Lovess ox.


 Heyy everyone!

I just joined this group so I decided to write out a little introduction.
My names Kwan and I'm 17. I've been struggling with my eating since I was about 13 years old. My weight has gone from very low to quite high during these years. Now I have kind of excepted that whether I like it or not this is part of me. My eating is what makes me me.

CW: 54kg
HW: 59kg
GW1: 50kg
GW2: 45kg
GW3: 40kg

I'm quite happy because this week I've lost 2kg! I've done that by eating small amounts of plain rice everytime I get hungry. Its working and I feel good. I'm hoping to loose another 2kg by this coming Monday.

Good luck to everyone!

[[ Add your own!! ]]

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 

See List...Collapse )

im definitely losing

weight. i am unable to eat at this time. there is too much upset going on & im not able to force myself to eat. weigh in saturday, lookin fwd!!


So what is the dealio? Is it this holiday weekend? The smell of cookouts in the neighborhood? The promise of food and a three day weekend? Why, Why Why the fucking hell am I craving a hamburger? And Fries! And Cake! And of course, a huge fucking margarita! But seriously...how do you fight a craving like that? I want a burger-a greasy one (on a bun this time-and not a wheat one, damn it!), with everything on it...I want the grease and mayo to soak the bun. I want it to drip in my lap. I want tomatoes and onions and pickles-maybe even some of that special sauce-right now i don't give a fuck! I want fries with it. Not the crinkle cut french fries that taste freezer burnt-i want McDonalds fries-SUPERSIZED. I want a big piece of cake-birthday cake-covered in that makes-you-sick-to-your-stomach-it's-so-rich frosting. I want to dip my fries in the frosting. I want to wash it all down with a BIG, icy, cherry-vanilla Dr. Pepper-and I'm not talking diet here. So please tell me, how do you control urges like this? How do you give in and not throw it right back up? Cravings like this fill me with a rage that leaves no survivors in my wake. I am absolutely horrible to everyone in my presence when I'm like this-until I give in and get what I want...then I'm even worse. GRRRRR...

[[ and I am sooo NOT pregnant ]]


The Sisterhood for the Eating Disordered
Phi Beta ED

Latest Month

March 2010


RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Jamison Wieser